What are you talking about?

My high school friend A and his brother S just spent a few days here on the island with Brad and I. I don't know about the others, but I had a really good time and was sad to see them go. I spent most of this afternoon chuckling to myself over things that were said during their visit. Some of the following may not make much (or any) sense taken out of context, but that's what I'm going to do anyway. The speaker will not be identified, so as to not humiliate anyone any further, but everything you're about to read came out of the mouth of either me, Brad, A or S.

And now —

The Top 10 bizarre things that could have been overheard this week

10. I got a ticket for driving with my brights on. Somebody read it in the paper and called my mom.

9. There's a crazy woodpecker in my cupboard.

8. You act like you come from a place where they don't know how to parallel park.

7. I'm not pregnant. I've got tuberculosis.

6. We've already been to the Outback.

5. He's not into barefoot activities.

4. Instead of the bride and groom's first dance, you could have a first skate.

3. I think corn syrup is made from corn.

2. If I looked like that, I'd never wear a shirt.

1. Chet Culver was at the urinal next to me.