But the trip was by no means a waste

Here are some of the highlights of Tuesday's trip to Oahu. In chronological order, even.

Struck up a conversation with the guy sitting next to me at the Maui airport after I noticed that his driver's license was from Iowa. He was a Storm Lakeian. For those of you unfamiliar with my homeland, the Storm Lake Tornadoes and Sheldon Orabs are both members of Iowa's feared Lakes Conference. Ooooooh.

Shared a plane to Oahu with DeGray of Valerie fame. Those with Maui ties will appreciate that knowledge. But the plane was continuing on to Lihue and I didn't notice if he got off on Oahu or not.

Got stuck in traffic and feared I wouldn't make the Jeopardy! tryout.

Was picked to respond to a question during the practice round at the tryout. The woman called me "the young woman in the green." Got it right. My vast Brady Bunch knowledge finally pays off.

Did not see Alex Trebek because he was at one of the local TV stations being interviewed.

Failed the test. And didn't receive a free DVD either.

Called both of my parents to let them know I'm a loser. They didn't seem too upset that I had "shamed the family name."

Went to Williams Sonoma and bought tongs.

Got harassed by a Macy's saleswoman because I refused to sign up for a credit card. Apparently if I had, I'd get 15 percent of all of my purchases today and tomorrow. I'd say it's nearing the end of the month and somebody hasn't met their quota.

Got followed through the Sephora store by a salesman (a salesMAN at Sephora?) because I was chit-chatting on the phone with my sister. (She also didn't appear too riled by the shaming of the name.) But he finally left me alone when I picked up some soap and moisturizer and headed to the register.

Went to Zippys and had the Small Portion Golden Crispy Chicken meal. So good. Left the waitress a $3 tip for my $9 meal.

Went next door to Napeoleon's Bakery and ordered 4 each of the cherry, apple and coconut napples (turnovers) and one banana bundt muffin. The counter lady said to me, "You're taking these to another island, aren't you? Is it Maui? Aren't you supposed to be getting your own Zippys over there pretty soon?" Yes, yes and yes. Believe me lady, you don't have to tell me it's taking too long for us to get a Zippys, I agree one hundred percent.

Returned my rental car and discussed the weather with the shuttle bus driver on the way to the terminal.

Paid $25 to get on an earlier flight because it was 1:30 p.m. and I was supposed to be on the 6 o'clock flight.

Caused great problems in the security line by trying to carry on the aforementioned tongs. A second security guy told me he'd have to confiscate my baked goods.

While in line to board the plane home, I got into a conversation with a very tiny woman (I must have had 6 inches on her) who had come to Oahu for a week to see her husband who is a Marine in the islands for some sort of training. She was on her way back to San Diego.

On the way home, I was entertained by the guy in front of me hacking up a lung (classy!) and turbulence so bad I was sure that the plane would come apart. Didn't even get my complimentary cup of POG ... that's how bumpy it was.

Stopped by the office to drop off the failure pastries. Everyone said, "We're sorry you're sooooo stupid."

And now I'm home.